clouds are in the sky

Aren't they always?

School was.. i dunno.. pretty so-so i guess. It didn't hit me that school would be out for a whole week till my lecturer wished us happy holidays. Talk about being blur.

I had pretty much recovered from yesterday till when we were having brunch. At one point, Grace was telling us that for her 18th birthday, she wanted a big bash. At that split second, the most depressing thought popped into my mind.

"The best birthday present for me would be a boyfriend"

Hah! How shallow can you get, you're thinking, right? But this brings me to my next point.

I first read about this theory in Adrian Mole: weapons of mass destruction. In it, he's trying to break off with this creepy chick, Marigold, and he's put in this myth-theory thing. I can't remember the exact name or words, and i can't google it either, so this is a brief and probably inaccurate summary.

Long ago, people used to have two heads, four arms, and four legs. Then, we obviously decided to do something that pissed off the Gods, and we were split in half. So now we roam the earth, searchign for our respective halves, in other words, our 'soulmates'.

Now, i know i said many times that i don't believe in soulmates. I don't. The idea that every successful and happy marriage is because they have found their soulmates is just a little too far fetched even for 'ol romantic me. If soulmates truly existed, what are the chances of your soulmate being culturally similar, or being around the same age? Nowadays, age is so not a barrier anymore, but if soulmates truly existed, I would kind of expect my own soulmate to be stranded in the antartica or something. What are the chances of him being near me?

So that's it. Perhaps we continuosly wander the earth (manner of speech) searching for that other half. What if there are soulmates but i'm missing out because i'm just so sceptical of the whole concept??!! Sure, people always say having gf/bf isn't all a bed of roses, but i'm not expecting that.

Sure, i fantasise about lying under a blanket of stars with HIM, with maybe the sea gently crashing against the shore.. and we walk quietly along the beach barefoot, and he won't make fun of my tiny feet. Then he'll buy me some mouth watering snack because he knows i'll love it, and i'll buy him some weird gadget because i know it will make him laugh and because i'm weird that way. And for some reason, this scenario keeps playing with Gurney Drive as the setting, maybe because Langkawi is too tourist-y, and PD is just plain gross. And becuase i've been to Gurney Drive before, and i've had great moments there. Then we'll laugh and talk, and he'll take hold of my hand, and i wouldn't know which feeling is better; him holding my hand and smiling at me, or my heart racing as it always does when i see him.

and then all of a sudden, his ex appears, and *poof* my dream goes up in smoke.

I mean, i'm not a great catch either, i know. I'm terribly jealous, moody, emo (sometimes la yeah), selfish, and can be an absolute bitch when i'm pushed to it. I have horrible habits, like that crinkling of pages that i can't help, or the snorting that UNINTENTIONALLY happens when i laugh really hard. So, definitely tension builds, and fights will happen. But that doesn't seem like too high a price to pay for just one moment of my dream.

So anyway, after that, I was kind of stoning at odd moments, and when we went back for a lecture, I was back in a pretty down mood. It didn't help that i saw grace's planner and it was so cute, y'all. She puts little golden smiley faces on the day she sees her boyfriend. And I'm looking at the numerous smiley faces that just seem to be mocking loser single me. So i turn to MY planner, Feb 14, and write: i hate v-day.

I don't know. maybe i'll just spend that day with Fran, Kar, and Anaz. Because they're single. for now. They're the only people I know that can take my mind off of Him and his ex for now.

I'm beyond exhausted. I probably can't sleep in tommorow because of house decorations. I'm mentally pooped out because of everything that's going through my mind. And to top it off, i'm hungry. and zits are starting to pop up.

At least my nails look kind of pretty.. i hope they last till tommorow..

Why I should never post when my hormones are out of whack

It could be all that mamak food, or it could be nearing that time of the month. Whatever it is, I don't feel good.

No, not the nausea feeling type, but the not-happy, not usual type of unwellness. I hate this type of feeling; even House MD can't cheer me up. I blame it on this time of the year.

Chinese New Year is a few days away. I don't paticularly mind the angpaus, of course, but I can't seem to muster the spirit this year. Maybe it's mom's overload of work, so the house is pretty much undecorated, but even the malls are barely dressed up. I seem to be finding things to mourn about the new year. Visiting relatives will = Interrogation about college, and i'll struggle to explain mass comm in chinese. Once they drop that subject, they'll graduate to telling me how much weight i've gained. My weight is a pretty touchy subject with me. For heavens sake, I know I've put on weight! I know I have to squeeze into my old jeans. Don't you think someone who sees her body every single day in the mirror realizes that?! Do you think I love all this extra weight??!! For crying out loud, I'm already insecure enough to wear a jacket over every sleeveless thing i have(which i can count on one hand), no matter how hot the weather is. I'm already obsessed enough with my eating habits,for crying out loud, I'm this close to developing an eating disorder. I'm already cutting my portions in half, but then i give into cravings and indulge in an ice cream, and soon, I'm feeling like i do now. (damn you, macademia nut)

Besides that, Valentine's day is coming up. I've never had any reason to celebrate this paticular day. But this year, it's just plain bugging me. Like, i just want to not exist for that 24 hours so people can't rub it in my face. At the very least, in sec school, I could send a few flowers to my friends to tell them how much I love them and appreciate our friendship. And we could just hang around class because hardly any of them have significant others, and we'd tease and bask in the happiness of those who did. This year's valentine's day is just sucking the life out of me, and it's not even february yet. Even in my class, I'm surrounded by couples and people who have significant people.

I can't help but feel just that little bit lonely. I don't think that I NEED a special someone to be happy, but I do think it must be the best thing in the world to have that special someone. To have someone to hold your hand even though your palms are sweaty, to have a shoulder to lean on just because you feel like it, to be able to look right into those eyes and not say anything, yet know a million feelings, to have that racing feeling everytime you see his name on your phone or see his face. And I really want that.

So, yes, this is why I won't exactly be all happy and cheerful on valentine's day. It's a school day, which makes it worse, because all I will want to do is curl up in bed and just comfort eat. And all I'll be able to think about is how lovey-dovey he's going to be with his special someone.

Even now, the songs on tv make me want to lock myself in my bedroom, switch on the air cond to the lowest temperature and cry because that's at least a more comfortable self-torture. Anything has got to be better than thinking about him. I barely know him for crissakes! God, sometimes I wish that people's assumptions about girl's school students were true and that I were a lesbian. Then at least I wouldn't be thinking about him. Or how close he is to his 'someone'. I don't know why the rational part of my brain can't whoop the emotional part's ass. He's so obviously hung up and still in love with her, and even if he were to declare his undying love for me on bended knee, I could never bring myself to accept a guy who still has a special place in his heart for any other girl. Because i am that jealous. Because i am that romantic, that i could never truly have feelings for anybody who isn't my perfect ideal man.

But he is.

Which just freaks me out, because i don't want to believe that. Because i have never believed that there is only one person destined for another person. Which is partly why I'm inclined to find fault in guys i had crushes on. It's like that movie, practical magic, where Sandra Bullock's character, as a child, made a wish that her true love would be some one so impossible to find, so she would never get emotionally hurt, because all the guys they fall in love with are destined to DIE.

He's not perfect, certainly. There are quirks that i find amusing, to say the least.

But i'm not going to act on it. Because hopefully within a few months, I'll be so used to the heartache that I'll be able to fully enjoy his company. There's no point in ruining what could be a perfectly (okay, not perfect) comfortable friendship. And it's somewhat different this time. It won't totally kill me if he's with someone else, because that would mean he's happy. And seeing him smile makes me happy.

Oh god, the sap i write.

Orientation Night

Orientation Night

theme: Xtreme Colours
date: 20th jan
time: 7 pm

After coming back from watching Geisha, I was kinda tired to the point of considering not going at all to OR night. The main reason i was going for the food *oink oink*, but i was already stuffed from popcorn because i usually share half my popcorn with friends, but this time I was forced to finish my whole box of popcorn, because Jay negelcted to tell me that he hates popcorn. (who hates popcorn?!)

But anyway, since daddy was already on his way back to fetch me, i thought "what the hell, go only la." So i got all dolled up, fretting over whether or not i was underdressed or overdressed.

When i get there, I'm pretty disappointed to find people wearing jeans. (and i borrowed Fran's skirt for this??!!) But i meet up with Lydia and Nimi, and we hang outside the mamak. At first, the event is pretty draggy, but as soon as they serve the food, things start picking up.

They had lucky draws, and my number got called out. (!) The emcee (whose name if i remember correctly is Reagan) announced "1.....0.......THREE!"

me: *screams* "omigod omigod omigod"

i was excited cause they had spas and digi cams as prizes, but...

I won an OP shirt.. It's bloody huge la, so i wore it to sleep. I hate the colour, but it's comfy...

Possibly my favourite part of the whole night was the announcement of Best dressed girl and guy. They made the winners do something to earn their prize, which was to dance. Now the girl had to dance to "my humps" (duh), but the guy...woo!! The DJ told him to 'express' himself through the song.

The DJ played that song by (I don't know who, so i'm just taking the first result off google, which is) Right Said Fred..

you know that song.. it goes something like..

I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love
Love's going to leave me
I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirtSo sexy it hurts
And I'm too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan
New York and Japan

Yeah, Baby! take it all off....

and yes, he did take off his coat and singlet..all hail hairless apes.

And after dancing to a great selection of clubbing type music, i am pooped, so i decide to start taking shots.

Dip. Mass Comm! L-R: Me, Lydia, Jay, Donovan, Nimi, and.. er...sorry..I don't know her name..YET!

Why my class makes me laugh: that's Beh in the red shirt.

okay, i know ALL of them: L-R : Jay, Chandi, Beh, Nimi (next to me), Donovan(white shirt), and Thomas. If you don't know who i am, you shouldn't be reading this.

over and out

yuen

BOWTIE LOVE - GOLDEN VICTORY FOR HUGH

I knew it. Everybody on House_md knew it.

It was just. Too. Obvious.

My man won a Globe. *nyeh*

And not just any globe.

BEST ACTOR IN A DRAMA TELEVISION SERIES GOLDEN GLOBE

Cheers to Hugh Laurie and his 172 people-to-thank-list.

a another beginning

It's amazing how lost and utterly ALONE one can feel on their first day of school. Now i know why parents accompany little tots to their first day in Std. 1.

Jan 9 was my orientation day for my Diploma In Mass Communications, so basically it was my first day. I had just come back from a trip to Singapore the day before and had many many new college things! *yay* However, many many new college things do not guarantee you a first day free from first day awkwardness.

The day started at 6 a.m. when i woke up. After agonizing over what to wear for the First Day, i had not been able to catch much sleep, so was still very the sleepy. Used my brand new Maybelline Mousse Foundation and generally made myself presentable before going on my very first School Bus Ride since kindie. The bus ride was horrible enough after changing buses, but the third bus was the worst. It takes me through the back road to Leisure Commerce Square where the college campus is, and that place is like, under construction or soemthign, so the whole ride, the bus was shaking, bumping, and occasionally even vibrating.....

As the bus drew to a shuddering heap at the Main Office, i started sms-ing friends to keep myself occupied and not look pathetic and looking like a lost sheep. (thanks Kareen and Francine ). After many minutes of walking around aimlessly, i mustered up the courage to ask the receptionist where i was to go for the orientation. I then proceeded to get lost on my way to the Lecture Theatre until i remembered i had a campus map. (duh!!) So i make my way there, but there is nobody there. except for the security guard lady. So i hang around another lecture theatre with other freshies (whom i did not talk to because i thought they were seniors) until aroudn 15 minutes before the orientation is due to start. When i go back there, there is still nobody outside till i peer inside the room and saw a lady in a suit who looked authoritative (always a good sign-professional!) who turns out to be Ms Sophia, some admin person in charge.

Being the punctual person that i am, i go in and take a seat. and wait.

And wait.

finally, some other girls start coming in.

And more girls.

I start thinking that this may turn out to be an all female course, not that it's bad, but when you've spent your whole life in a single sex school (missionary school no less!), it's understandable when finally some testosterone walks in and takes a seat and i think "HELL YESSS"

*ahem*

So they had the usual talks, and we actually had tea. By then, i had new friends. *whew* Cheryn who knew me from Anaz sat next to me. How about that. My first Sri Aman friend. Whoda thought??!!

Nimi, Jessie, Caroline sat in front and soon, the number of coursemates whose names i knew skyrocketed! (okay la, it just climbed a bit, but still good right..)

Jay (whose name is in pink-ish red because he claims that "real men wear pink") reminded me of Francine because they have the same last name and skin colour. I later found out that Jay is actually 1/4 Burmese, and not baba nonya like Fran, but what evs.. He's nice, friendly and has a cute 'senyum kambing'. He showed it to me when we were 'rehearsing' smiles and expressions for student id photos.

Beh is Tall! Possibly the tallest guy in class, which isn't saying much because there are about 35 i think.. and about.. 15 guys at the most.. (tragic...) I overheard him talking to Jay and saying something about 'the tallest building in the world' so i assumed he was the International student from china..or taiwan.. whichever. I was quite impressed because he spoke very fluent English. almost like a local! Not so suprising anymore when i foudn out today he's actually form Shah alam....

Lydia is probably the one i feel most comfortable talkign to about makeup. How do i know this? Becuase today, in our Intro to Comm. and Human Behaviour lecture, our teacher told us to find out two simple things about our partner. Her first question? ' What brand of mascra do you use?" Given, that i wasn't actually wearing mascara, so i felt rather flattered (i had just curled my lashes that morning, you see). She's your typical popular girl la.. pretty, knows lots of people..Kinda like Krys.. A bit manja-fied, which i like, because finally, some one to accompany me. Lydia has pretty purple braces. They make me want to get braces just so i can get my smile pierced in my favourite colour.

Shirin shares all the same classes with me, so we more or less accompany each other most of the time. She's nice and obviously very smart! (she scored a band seven like me on the english test!!) good english is a sign of intelligence, but i don't count because all those brains are focused on Interact. She actually reminds me of gaya from 5sc1...

Nimi is another cool girl! She was the one who introed herself to me first and she generally gives that dependable friend vibe.. good vibe yeah?

Chandi is an international school student from Jakarta, and did A-levels in Sunway. She's cool, and is not at all superior hoity toity just because she's older. She's friendly and quite witty i should think!

So generally these are the people that I've met so far plus a few others whom i don't know too well yet, but hopefully that will change soon. Jay and Beh are my favourite guy friends, which isn't saying a lot as they are the only guy Friend-Friends I have.. But soon!! i will have a whole collection!! *cackle*

you see what happens when you deprive soemone from co-ed schools?

me.

lookign forward to sunday, because i know only you guys read this.

yuen