clouds are in the sky

Aren't they always?

School was.. i dunno.. pretty so-so i guess. It didn't hit me that school would be out for a whole week till my lecturer wished us happy holidays. Talk about being blur.

I had pretty much recovered from yesterday till when we were having brunch. At one point, Grace was telling us that for her 18th birthday, she wanted a big bash. At that split second, the most depressing thought popped into my mind.

"The best birthday present for me would be a boyfriend"

Hah! How shallow can you get, you're thinking, right? But this brings me to my next point.

I first read about this theory in Adrian Mole: weapons of mass destruction. In it, he's trying to break off with this creepy chick, Marigold, and he's put in this myth-theory thing. I can't remember the exact name or words, and i can't google it either, so this is a brief and probably inaccurate summary.

Long ago, people used to have two heads, four arms, and four legs. Then, we obviously decided to do something that pissed off the Gods, and we were split in half. So now we roam the earth, searchign for our respective halves, in other words, our 'soulmates'.

Now, i know i said many times that i don't believe in soulmates. I don't. The idea that every successful and happy marriage is because they have found their soulmates is just a little too far fetched even for 'ol romantic me. If soulmates truly existed, what are the chances of your soulmate being culturally similar, or being around the same age? Nowadays, age is so not a barrier anymore, but if soulmates truly existed, I would kind of expect my own soulmate to be stranded in the antartica or something. What are the chances of him being near me?

So that's it. Perhaps we continuosly wander the earth (manner of speech) searching for that other half. What if there are soulmates but i'm missing out because i'm just so sceptical of the whole concept??!! Sure, people always say having gf/bf isn't all a bed of roses, but i'm not expecting that.

Sure, i fantasise about lying under a blanket of stars with HIM, with maybe the sea gently crashing against the shore.. and we walk quietly along the beach barefoot, and he won't make fun of my tiny feet. Then he'll buy me some mouth watering snack because he knows i'll love it, and i'll buy him some weird gadget because i know it will make him laugh and because i'm weird that way. And for some reason, this scenario keeps playing with Gurney Drive as the setting, maybe because Langkawi is too tourist-y, and PD is just plain gross. And becuase i've been to Gurney Drive before, and i've had great moments there. Then we'll laugh and talk, and he'll take hold of my hand, and i wouldn't know which feeling is better; him holding my hand and smiling at me, or my heart racing as it always does when i see him.

and then all of a sudden, his ex appears, and *poof* my dream goes up in smoke.

I mean, i'm not a great catch either, i know. I'm terribly jealous, moody, emo (sometimes la yeah), selfish, and can be an absolute bitch when i'm pushed to it. I have horrible habits, like that crinkling of pages that i can't help, or the snorting that UNINTENTIONALLY happens when i laugh really hard. So, definitely tension builds, and fights will happen. But that doesn't seem like too high a price to pay for just one moment of my dream.

So anyway, after that, I was kind of stoning at odd moments, and when we went back for a lecture, I was back in a pretty down mood. It didn't help that i saw grace's planner and it was so cute, y'all. She puts little golden smiley faces on the day she sees her boyfriend. And I'm looking at the numerous smiley faces that just seem to be mocking loser single me. So i turn to MY planner, Feb 14, and write: i hate v-day.

I don't know. maybe i'll just spend that day with Fran, Kar, and Anaz. Because they're single. for now. They're the only people I know that can take my mind off of Him and his ex for now.

I'm beyond exhausted. I probably can't sleep in tommorow because of house decorations. I'm mentally pooped out because of everything that's going through my mind. And to top it off, i'm hungry. and zits are starting to pop up.

At least my nails look kind of pretty.. i hope they last till tommorow..