Wish, not Hope

Hope is that wretched little green worm that creeps and worms its way into your mind and creates little slimy passages through which disaster and chaos crawls through to the very core of your being.

So I Wish. But not Hope. Never never never Hope.

Gettit?

"Abandon Hope, all ye who enter"

Such an apt warning for matter such as this.

LAYER 1 : ON THE OUTSIDE
Name : Yuen
Birth Date : 16th April
Current Status : Single
Eye Colour : black
Right of lefty : Righty

LAYER 2 : ON THE INSIDE
My Heritage : Cina = Canton+Hakka
My Fears : Heights + loneliness + Elevators closing on me
My Weaknesses : My Brain
My Perfect Pizza : Pepperoni, crab meat, mayo, mushrooms, beef, without the pizza.

LAYER 3 : YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW
My thoughts first waking up : Gargh.. Comfy.. *snuggle*
My bedtime : before midnight laaa
My most missed memory : Kindergarden

LAYER 4 : MY PICK
Pepsi or Coke : Coke la, hands down.
McDonald's or Burger King : Burger King for the swiss double, McD's for everything else
Single or grouped dates : Who cares as long as I'm on one
Adidas or Nike : Adis! PINK PINK PINK ADIS
Tea or Nestea : Nestea is coffee, right?... SAY COFFEE LA! Chinese tea.
Chocolate or Vanilla : Vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee : coffee

LAYER 5 : DO YOU...
Smoke : Not now, I don't
Curse : Heeee...
Take a shower : aboden
Have a crush : Yar
Think you've been in love : Nah
Go to school : college, yes
Want to get married : HarHarHar
Believe in yourself : Yes and no

LAYER 6 : IN THE PAST
Drank alcohol : Yes, Duh
Gone to the mall : wtf...
Been on stage : Unfortunately yes
Eaten sushi : Yes! <3
Dyed your hair : nope, I have virgin hair

LAYER 7 : HAVE YOU EVER
Played a stripping game : Yeah, strip pool with Chand. We stopped after I took off my jacket.
Changed who you were to fit in : Not to fit in, no

LAYER 8 : AGE YOU'RE HOPING
To be married : Before I die. Before. I duno. 30?

LAYER 9 : IN A GUY...
Best eye colour : Dark Coloured
Best hair colour : Dark Coloured
Short hair or long hair : As long as it's zexyyyy. And is soft.

LAYER 10 : WHAT WERE YOU DOING...
A minute ago : Reading comics of bald headed emo blobs
Hour ago : Watching CSI
4.5 hours ago : Just woke up from evening nap
1 month ago : Assignments probably
Year ago : Assignments probably

LAYER 11 : FINISH THE SENTENCES...
I love : friends and Eddie
I feel : Eddie poking my leg right now
I hate : so many whiny people
I hide : tummy fats
I miss : eating cookies and being thin
I need : a massage and salonplas badly

LAYER 12 : TAG 5 PEOPLE
Calvin HAH!
Linda
Surekha
Anaz
Nerd Queen

Tag

Calvin is a too-free dude with too much time on his hands than he knows what to do with. That and the fact that nobody will go watch movies with him! HARRRRRHARRRRHARRRR! Okay no la, sorry for ffk-ing. :D

5 Reasons Why I Blog:

#1 : I have too much randomness and quirkiness that I cannot express in real life for fear that I will be alienated and committed to a mental institution. So it spills over to writing.

#2: I have practically no life. So I spend whatever free time I have online. Or sleeping. Or falling asleep while online. So #1 just happens to be a convenient outlet.

#3: Er. It's useful to remind myself of what I used to be like. I usually avoid reading past entries from long ago because I just feel like slapping myself. But yes, it's like many many benchmarks of what I used to be, what I have become and perhaps also an indicator of what I may be.

#4: I like the idea of owning something personal, can?

#5: ... Um.. I like.. to.. put my pictures can!?! Eh no la, I like to show off my pretty pretty friends :D

Omg, everytime I read about online feuds between people like.. er.. Xiaxue and all her commenters and whatnots, I always thought "Eh quite mo liu. Her blog let her say what she wants la. So emo, like kill your kitten like that burn your family shit on your car liddat. Jeesh". And now. BWAAAAHAHAHAHH. Someone slap me can? But if everybody's going to be so high and mighty about everything, let them think what they want la. I'm gonna brush it off, everything also got some over the top comment, jeeesuuuusss, LET'S THINK OF PENANG!

yes

PENANG!

Wheeeeee. 22 days left.

*sigh*

On the bus back home, I saw a wreckage near the turning to PJ, where the bus drops off one of the students. It was an abandoned car, and it looked beat up enough for its driver to be seriously injured, what with all the shattered glass around it. Touch wood la, but... confirm die wan. Okay no la, not die choichoichoi.

Sometimes when I see accidents happen, I get very shuddery thoughts. Especially if you see firemen pull people out of the wreckage or worse still, putting inside black trash bags. Very sombre-ing. Accidents are accidents; unprecedented, unexpected, unwanted. Whenever I see this type of thing in real life, not just reading about it, then only does it have any sort of impact. Reading about it or hearing about it from the media just feels very disconnected. And when any sort of impact takes hold, I think of people. And how I feel about them. And what I last said to them, and what I didn't say to them.

I'd really hate to have any regrets. Any advice I ever give is centred on my philosophy to live life without regrets. And so, IF I ever. er. fly to fairyland.. I want :

To tell him I miss him and that I'm sorry and that I just really really want things back the way they were before the week.

To tell her that as complicated as it seems now, everything will get better. As long as she's happy and NO REGRETS then best la.

To tell him that I was so turned off by him at camp, so if he's going to talk all over the place about THAT people should know the full story. DAMAGE CONTROL. If I'm going off to fairyland, for crissakes, lemme clear my rep.

To tell her that I think she's a horrible example of a friend, but I wish her luck anyway, but good luck having any contentment in life thirty years down the road if all that's in her head is superficiality.

To tell him thanks for being the best male friend, and that I sincerely wish him all the fun and happiness and that he will settle down when he meets the right person :D

To tell her that I truly admire her maturity and courage to speak her mind and form her own opinions

To tell him that I sayang him banyak banyak and that I want nothing more than for him to be motivated

To tell them they were the highlight of my years because now when I think back, I can't remember anything as clearly as them

To tell her I wish she'd have given me space to be myself

To tell him that it's not his fault, and that it was me who has changed

To hug him and be manja-ed again

***

For Linda : here's one more addition to my entree for today's LIFE game.

Beach. Night. Stars. Sand.
I can stand close and not feel janggal.
Things will feel normal again.
The sea will wave. And we won't wave back.
Cause we're too in the moment to move.

The Test

Create your own Friend Test here

Love me or not? Do it. :D

0013

Clarification.

That's what my life needs. Good clear guidelines to follow. Can see black, can see white. No grey areas, no vague questions, all clear rules to obey, all also can see right and wrong.

I feel damn blardy full right now. The effects of one small ice blended ribena and a bigger one with longans at Williams with some of the college peeps. Plus a few bites of Meatball Spaghetti and Reagan's leftover ManBurger. Plus the fact that I had just finished my curry laksa dinner just before I left the house. *burp* But my lips are slightly purple. So is my tongue :D It's probably for the best that I had dinner at home, I find it more and more difficult to eat in public anymore. Shizz that, I find it difficult to eat with people.

It's always fun to hang out at yumcha sessions; but like it has been happening lately, I end up like this. In need of clarification. The importance of clarifying certain things to people has never been more important as of late.

I have a terribly fragile sensitive ego. My ego is like. Some sickly withering Pokok Semalu. Touch also will shrivel up and die dot com. My ego is bonded with my self perception. My self perception is bonded with all the messages that I receive from people. I secretly care wan, okay. Sometimes when I say I terasa.. I really really terasa. Then I will console myself with ribena.

Sometimes I wonder if ribena can be used as a benchmark for my emotions. That'd make me bankrupt. So when I'm at home and in my bed, like right now, my benchmark is my bolster.

And right now it's being hugged to death.

My Personality

I steal from Jared

What others see from your style
You tend to be a gentle and pleasant person. You love nature and at least some of the arts, and derive great satisfaction from being helpful. You are stubborn and are not interested in wealth and power.

What your nightclothes reveal
You are friendly and always in good mood. You are candid and helpful, and can be sexy at times too.

What others see from your ties
You enjoy being alone. You like to life the simple but good life, and you cherish your freedom. You are thoughtful, confident and uninterested in glamour.

What others see from your belts
You are a frank, assertive and sometimes flamboyant person. You are friendly and want to be accepted by everybody. You like to have fun, to be free, and to live a comfortable lifestyle.

What others see from your shoes
You're very young at heart. You regard freedom highly and don't like to be controlled by a set of rules. You don't like conflict, will compromise wherever possible, and are hardworking people. Occasionally you can become vulnerable when having to face problems, especially emotional ones.

What others see from your earrings
You are a sweet and talkative person. You are sociable, energetic and interesting, and get easily bored by the same old things. You are always looking for adventure.

The last analysis
You are probably a romantic and passionate person. You are sensitive and lonely when you aren't in love. You can be somewhat self-centered, but you are honest and sincere to others. You like to make a good impression of yourself and worry about what others think of you.

Sniff sniff. I love you guys!!
You value your friendships: 65%
You love your friends very much - so much so that it's actually quite a worry. You may not be able to cope very well when you do lose somebody's friendship. You are a very sensitive and fragile person, and are therefore likely to get upset easily. You care for your friends and are willing to do anything that they ask you to do. Sometimes this can make your friends think that you are a bit of a nuisance. Nevertheless, people do really love you because your highest priority is your friends.

But this takes the cake...

Who is your dream guy?
Here is the analysis:According to your answers; if you are not kidding, you are too complicated. Sorry, we are unable to offer the analysis. Press Back button on you browser, check ONE question that you were not completely sure and try again with a different answer that you think it would be correct.

2239

Think Think Think

bad for brain.

I don't feel like celebrating anything to do with my birthday this year. At least not right now. Last year I had a great time, great food, great company,flowers, awesome presents, sleepover, skanky sitting on lap photos.. ahhhh.. If I can't top that this year I don't even want to try.

Btw, thanks for the card jie. I'm going to think that you were too busy to actually go buy one, but hey, it's the thought that counts. Although I have to say, when I saw separate cards, I thought I would be getting more than one signature *ahemahem*. Hehe, joking la joking.


Anyway, it's happened again. But as usual nothing will come out of it. No good no good no good. Don't think. Be content. Omg, why am I blogging like Rosie O Donnell.

And on a final pissy note. OMFG. How the hell did the whole district know??? I mean, if you say the Family, okay la, understood, I was close to most of them, but why la. My life is so nothing to talk about, suddenly I find out about this 3 years later. Can jump off Kurnia.

I mean, come on. The DISTRICT.

I cannot let this be. Must must must settle. Yes, it was 3 years ago, and it shouldn't matter now, and yes, it doesn't affect me since we're in totally different social circles. But JENGJENGJENG, I have principles. And still that bit of pride left. Cannot cannot cannot let people think like this about me. Must do damage control!


The DISTRICT WEI!!

Mass Colympics - Extreme!

Months of planning and organization built up to this one day, Mass Colympics. Being a yearly sports day of sorts for the communication faculty of Taylor's College that's organized by the PR Sem 3 can lead to comparison every year, so er.. STRESS LA.

I stayed over at Linda's the night before packing goodie bags with Kitty and GrandpaThomas till 3.30 a.m., resulting in serious back pain for the coming weekend. Linda had it worse; her whole living room was stuffed with things for the goodie bags and she probably didn't crash out as soon as she hit the mattress like me.

Two hours after getting some shuteye, I woke up to fill water balloons (2 of which burst before I got to the venue), pack stuff, and make mystery concoctions for the fear factor challenge. A lot of random things were used like salt, biscuits, milk and coffee powder. Hell, I even sacrificed some of my Ribena.

Not long after I got there, I had to rush out with Edmund to buy some extra masking tape for the groups, ciggies for Syafiq, and trash bags. Lesson learnt, 7-eleven is A MOFO RIPOFF. Masking tape sells for 5.50 a roll. Trash bags per pack of 25 sells for 5.00. That's GilaCheeSin for a convenience store, but what to do, rushrushrush.

After I got back, continued lugging pails and pails of water balloons to my station. Back Pain, check. Shoulders rotting away, check.

Beginnings of a crowd

Obstacle course started a bit late, and only half the number of expected teams turned out, but managed alright anyway. Lots of shouting, deliberate confusion by some kacau-ing crew people *CoughTunCough*, and splish-splashing later, the obstacle course finished. Thanks to extra rubbery balloons, not many burst, and quite a few were left over, and before I knew it, a mini water war was waged among the OC crew. I attempted to throw one at Edmund, but like my past attempts at throwing ANYTHING at him, the #(%*@#*!) thing just bounced off him. And splashed at other people's legs.

Obstacle Course Crew - Me, Edmund, Roger, Keri

After that, I switched to photography duty. I stayed in the middle of the thick of the action, in between the paintball jungles and main tents where most people were gathered. The food was a-cookin', the people were a-shootin', and the Eddie was a-clickin'.

Some of the Food Crew hard at work

One of our main selling points was that you'd be able to shoot the lecturers. I mean, you'd be able to play against them. I have to say, the lecturers were a helluva sporting bunch. And bloodthirsty. They whupped students' asses at paintball, by winning 3 out of 4 matches.

Ms. Jenny's one cheerful lecturer.

Paintball was without a doubt, the most popular event there. With rotating teams, I think almost all students of the semesters that turned up to show their support for our event all had a chance to play.

Su and Flo preparing for war

Like I said, the lecturers were damn kau supporting. I think the fact that we had a really cool concept like paintball that was more challenging and awesome helped quite a bit.

Mr. Phua and Mr. Kumar do some kung-fu shizz

Yes, they really are lecturers. :D Phua teaches me Intro to Desktop Publishing, btw; and Jenny teaches Issues in Media Content.

We also managed to get Hitz.fm Cruisers to come. I don't listen to the radio anymore, so I didn't realize that bald dude was popular. But I can see why la :D *drool* Kononnya Serena C. punya male awek.

Hitz.fm DJ Ian/Ean and somebody's iguana

Part of our crew and the Hitz.fm cruisers

Actually half-way through I remembered I was supposed to help Mund do the fear factor, but he seemed to be doing fine on his own, so I left him alone to persuade people to do crazy things. PR maut. Crazy things like put on a bikini and parade around the games.

Cheryl and Beh flaunting the fear factor challege


Cheryl, Edmund, and Beh

It was a hot sunny day, so the Pepsi sold like hotcakes at 20sen a pop. I banged a couple of coins out of Tun because my pockets were full of blades, gadgets, lens cap, tweezers and er. for a while, condoms, but swei- No dosh.

Ash pleading Jeff for a sip. That's MY drink, btw.

And other shots while taking a leisurely stroll towards the dodgeball courts...

War going on


Aina and Ash

And got back in time to see my sem 3 paintball team come out of the paintball court VICTORIOUS! I think this was their only match that they won. Hehehehe.. Someone got shot in the ass... *singsong* Ribena - Drink of the Champions!

Mund, Jing Jing, Carmen and Vven taking a break

While waiting for the finals of Paintball to commence, some of us gathered for a group shot. Ironically, some of the heads, including a now emo-ing Kitty weren't there, but non-crew members popped in. HEhheee. And camwhore around.

Part Group Shot

Syafiq and Amanda having a little fun in between finals

Sunnies Trio can pose and ooze coolness

I lost my sunnies... :(

The lecturers were kick ass bloodthirsty

Ashleigh and Ayna do some cheerleading pose. Damn cool la

The semi-finals match


Kit with Dip. Sem 1 (March) - the paintball champions of 07

After that, we managed to clean most of everything up before the rain started to REALLY come down. Linda and I were drenched by the time we were back in her house. Me with an extra BUMP on my head :( Linda put green gunk on it. Then we passed out on her couch while Hafiz was massaging her feet. and her sister took a VIDEO of us sleeping. And me mumbling things half awake. Bleh.

Eduardo

I first met Eddie sometime back late last year. I can't say it was LOVE at first sight, more like lust. But even that didn't last too long before bigger, better things came my way.

Unfortunately, those bigger, better things.. well, they just weren't meant to be. So flashy, so high maintanence, requiring so much sacrifice and committment. Sometimes, it's just best to go back to basics.

There will always be others that seem better, but as of now, Eddie's good enough for me. I'm content :D