Wah, I've really really got some swei trust issues. And a lot of it's *up there*
I think I've evolved into a really mean person. One that just has to assume that there's some evil horrible WRONG side to everybody so I can justify my holding back from them. And it's gotten me into some shit lately, and i just felt really super bad and stooooopid.
Ariya asked me something along the lines of did I feel enough to risk getting hurt. It sounds fucking cliche-d but yeah.
And my answer: I don't want to get hurt. period.
True wat, life is already so crazy, why the hell take the risk? To take risk must have a payoff worth risking.
Otherwise what's the point.
I'm probably never going to be so confident as to think I totally deserve anything without working for it. I'm probably never going to be able to judge people properly because of first impressions. And I sure as hell am never going to find it in me to overlook self doubt.
I'd like to, though.
But not on my own :D
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